Tenerife forum

[rob]

Question No 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Football
b. Golf
c. How fat you are
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg:
"If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question No 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is:
"YES!" or, if you feel a more detailedanswer is in order: "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shitloads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question No 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin
c. A little extra weight looks good on you
d. I've seen fatter
e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how Iwould spend the insurance money if you died.

Question No 4:
Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question No 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course,is "Buy a Lotus and a boat")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again

WOMAN: You would? [with a hurtful look on her face]
MAN: [Makes audible groan]

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed

WOMAN: [Silence]
MAN: Shit!

[sara]