Tenerife forum

[rob]

1) A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....Da-aaaaaad......."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out!!!!!!!"
Five minutes later.......Daaaaaaaa-aaaaaaad.........."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty, can I have a drink of water????"
"I told you NO!!!!! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!!"
Five minutes later......."Daaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaad......."
"WHAT?"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

2) An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischef, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over & said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"



3) One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked, with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled & gave him a reassuring hug, "I can't dear," she said,
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken, at last, by his shakey little voice:
"The big sissy!"

4) It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That's a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."


5) When I was six months pregnant, with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you're getting fat!"
I replied,
"Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied,
"but what's that growing in your butt?"


6) A little boy was doing his homework. He said to himself,
"two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....."

His mother heard what he was saying & gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher, the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we're learning addition."
The mother asked,
"And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."



7) One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".......and so Chicken Little went up to the farmerand said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher then asked the class, ''what do you think the farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand & said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!"



A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School,and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied,
"I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."



9) A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside & play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boyss, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments & asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"


10) A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her,
"Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkee."
She says,
"Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs, too."



..

[sara]

: no's; 4,5,7and 10