Tenerife forum

[fionakeen]

Well i have now been on the island for nearly 4 months and i still have no job!!!!!!!!!!

We are now getting to the point where we may have to think long and hard at our situation as we cannot afford to stay much longer.

The girls have been crying and dont want to go to school, its a complete nightmare.

[karlb]

No job, thats not completely true lol

You have had 3.

First months are the hardest but as you say you need to find something, not only find something but something thats fits in with your family which is very difficult.

Don't give up Fiona and keep your chin up, I can appreciate how hard it is.

What don't the girls like about school inparticular?
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[sunny]

[fionakeen]

Thanks guys

Lauren is quite firghtened to be honest about school but i am quite pleased with the amount of spanish she has picked up as she has been mixing with a lot of spanish girls, i think it helps been in Adeje as there are no english on the park really.

Faith has just refused point blank to go and i know i am gonna have so many tears from her when i TRY to take her and its gonna break my heart she just wants to go back to her OLD school she says.

We had tears everywhere last night as they have just had 10 days of GRANDMA been here but she went home last night and to be honest i could of jumped on the plane with her.

Shaun is working all the hours he can but it still isn't enough for us to survive on plus he is not on a contract either.

Oh well we have shauns mom and dad here now for the next 2 weeks so yet again i will have to go through the tears with the 2 of them when they go home!!!!!!!

[Chris_and_Leanne]

Awwww chin up Fiona !

Stick with it, it will all be worth it in the end and I am sure the girls will agree in the future.

Hope it all works out for you x
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[strippersrus]

Don't give up yet hunnie....let the kids do the school thing and see if they settle down. I am sure they will be fine.

It will seem difficult at first but it should calm down and then they will be happy.

As for jobs....It was difficult for us when we first moved here...neil has many hats and at the moment he is now a Dive Master and takes people out diving...that was something that he only started whilst we have been here.

Chin up ....
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[Treble99]

Right Fiona! Put your “positive, forward thinking and optimistic head” on. It may be hard to, given your situation, but you already have so many positives which you need to harness, in return you will gain strength. Strength in a person breeds success. Harness this thought.

I have, many people tell me, an outlook on life that is rare. I always find positives to hold onto in times of adversity. When I face problems in business or my personal life, I examine the problem and can usually always find a positive in there somewhere. I also don't worry about anything, if you cant change it then why worry. You will not achieve anything by worrying about things you cant change or resolve.

However, YOU CAN, why?, because you're in control of this problem and worry of yours! You may not think you are, but you ARE. Think about it. If you're in control, you can resolve it.

Right, the positives you already have.

1, Your hubby is already in work. (You're halfway there already)
2, You live in Tenerife (Millions of Brits would kill to be in the same position of you)
3, You have already taken the huge decision to relocate here. (This tells me you are do-er and not just a thinker. You had the bottle and positive thoughts to make this decision, so I think you are a pretty strong character. Remember this, you have BOTTLE)
4, You have 2 kids (and in your heart you know you can give them a better life here)
5, You have your health etc etc.
6, You have the climate, the sun, the beach etc etc.

I could go on and on.

The negatives,

1, You're running low on money.
2, Your kids are scared and dont want to go to school.
3, You cant find a job.
4, You are probably thinking about your “more settled” life in the UK and thinking “Bloody hell, what have we done”.

I would hazard a guess that there are not many more negatives running through your head right now. Have you already worked it out yet...................you already have more positives to hold onto than negatives.

Lets turn your negatives into positives.

“You're running low on money”. Everyone from time to time runs low on cash, its life. However you already have one wage coming in, and even if you have to tighten your belts more than ever before, the wage will at least keep you here and give you a “level playing field” for which to build the foundations of your new life. You could be in a much worse position, ie no cash at all coming in.

“You can't find a job”. Or is this more like you can't find a job that you want to do?. Ask your self this question. You CAN find a job, albeit perhaps not a job you would choose to do but, so what, if it keeps you here and relieves the financial pressures on you, you and your hubby will be so much happier. No stress and worry = a happier life. I was chatting to you in the chat room the other day and said I could put you in touch with an English mortgage broker who arranges mortgages and financial packages for ex-pats. With your career background, he may well take you on. Its worth a try, nothing ventured, nothing gained etc. You have not got back to me about this but do you want me to ask the question to him and get you chatting?

Your kids are scared and don't want to go to school. Well yes, they are kids. Can you name me any kids that always want to go back to school. Babytreb was like this when she started Spanish school, but it only lasted 3 or 4 days. We had tears and “I have a sore throat” and “I want to go back to my old school” every morning and as parents we were hurting like mad. However, I knew in my heart that it would only last for a very short while and you know what, It did. I would like to bet you that within a week, your kids will be fine. I would also like to bet with you that in your heart, you know they will be fine within a very short space of time. Be strong harness this thought and never let them make you feel like a bad parent or an ogre for putting them through this. They will, if they are anything like Babytreb, play you like a piano until you dance to THEIR tune. Dont let it happen, they will be fine.

You are probably thinking about your “more settled” life in the UK and thinking “Bloody hell, what have we done”. We did, its a natural thought. Strange country, language, not knowing how things happen and work etc etc. I am a very strong character and it took me 2 years to settle, but I stuck it out, always allowed the positive things to enter my mind and i grew off that. Your honeymoon period is over but in time, I assure you, you will settle and look back on these darker days and laugh.

So to recap in simple terms,

Your already halfway there with regards to money coming in.
Get a job, any job (and you know you can) and the pressures will lift in no time.
Don t worry about your kids, you know they will be fine.

If you look at it like that, you haven't really got as bigger problems as you may think!

Positive thinking.....................go on girl.......................you can do this!!!!!

Good luck.
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Treble99
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[rob]

A great reply and the first September champers nomination.
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[fionakeen]

I totally agree with you Rob, reading that post Treble actually brought a tear to my eyes................................or maybe that is just a reflection on how p'd off i am feeling at the minute but thanks for that Treble i have taken your comments on board and will swill them around in my head.

Again many thanks

[strippersrus]

well done Treb,............

you talk a lot of sence and I havebeen through many of the points there that you raised.

Fiona...It does get better and It will get better.....like Treb says...kids will try and make you do their wishes and not your. They will settle in at school and you will wonder what the worry was.

Melinda is actualy looking forward to going back to school....she misses her spanish mates and her teachers lol.....she was awful when we first started and now she loves it.....even charlie who is only 4 cant wait...he is say that he may have a different teacher lol

take care
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[sunny]

Brilliant Treb, a wonderful and useful reply. Fiona, try and stick with it and keep positive. I found it really hard when we first got here, even though I do not have to work full time. Obviously an income is usefeul as we are semi retired and did not want to eat into our savings etc., we stuck at it and now have exactly what we want.

Sometimes I do think it is harder for women, sorry if I am sounding sexist here girls but maybe we are more emotional and all that.

Stick with it Fiona and keep your chin up. We are all behind you. xx

[Treble99]

I know its easier to say “why worry” or “whats the point” in worrying about this and that, than it is to actually do. Over the years I have learned to do this.

I found out that by confronting my worries, be them in business or personal I put them to bed much quicker that way. I could then, move on with a positive outlook.

Worry is a horrid thing. It grinds you down, saps energy from you and often affects the way you function. I found out that by confronting it and “challenging” it, you often find something deep inside you that you never knew you had, a hidden inner strength so to speak. When you have dispelled your fears, you feel 10 times taller and really proud of yourself. Its a great feeling.

I have also learned that whatever problems are thrown into your path, 99% of the time you can find a solution. You just have to search for it.

I have also learned not to worry, because sometimes, and its very very rare, you will come across a problem where there is NO solution. By worrying about these “non solvable” problems I was not functioning properly, my temper was short and I was affecting those closest to me. I then thought, why can't I channel this feeling and use it to do positive things, drive, determination etc. I thought if I dwell on such problems I would eventually “drown” in them. What would that achieve eh?. Nothing, because I could not affect the outcome of the problem anyway. So I channeled my “worry” and sometimes the aggression that it caused and used it to drive me to achieve other goals. When I achieved these goals I feel untouchable and often thank the non solvable worry for the drive i got from it. See, negative turned into a positive!

Fiona, imagine how you will feel when, in 2 months, a year or 2 years etc you look back on this and can say to yourself “How bloody proud am I, Ive only bloody done it. My family are happy, I'm happy and we have a great life”. I will tell you Fiona, you will feel invincible, you will feel a million times what you are feeling now. You will feel so, so proud of yourself. You will not also fear worry as much.

You are in a situation where failure is not an option, so harness this fact, the idea of how you will feel when you pull through this, harness the love you have for your family, picture in your head your kids playing on the beach in 1 years time with smiles beaming from their faces and use these feelings to drive you to success.

Go and look in the mirror right now. Stare at yourself and scream “no one, nothing is going to bring me down. I'm a survivor and I will fight you world! Today is the first day of the rest of my, and my families life and you ain't going to beat me. If you want to bring me down, my family are coming with me and this is not going to happen. I will bounce back and you world, will never keep me down”!

Go on do it, harness your aggression, fire your self up and use it to get your situation sorted!
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Treble99
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[sunny]

Another gret post Treb, I think I really love you lol lol

[rob]

In 20 years I've found that it's generally the women who want to give up first. I knew one woman who went 'on holiday' to the UK 25 times in 24 months. Her marriage split up and she went back to the UK. 2 years later she was back with a new man and has been settled here for years.

I'm not suggesting that a new man is your solution. As Jenny says PMA.
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[Treble99]